![]() ![]() Sometimes your parents are being too nice until i am uncomfortable n i cannot be myself. Likewise i dun like to please your parents artificially, but i am trying my best to follow their rentak. Its very difficult for me to exercise authority over u when your parents are around. The other thing is that there is no give n take between ourselves in many issues. Wait til we have our own house n have more freedom n be ourselves. Living in your parents place is like a pressure cooker. I tot we will be closer but its e opposite." "We'll talk abt this after hari raya. I didn't expect marriage life to be this way. We seldom communicate, even if we do it leads to an argument. " Don't u thnk our marriage feels like nothin? It has been monotonous, more boring than the days before. Why can't i control what i am doing? I am so ashamed of myself. I am clueless what to expect for my future, or what to expect the next few days. I made so much mistakes now, i don't even know God will forgive me, or even me myself. I was quiet, reserved, don't dare to try new things, few friends, no life, no entertainment. Only when we experience most of it, we know the different type of people out there, how life is really like, what we really want to do and everything else may be fine. We should 'enjoy' life to the fullest before committing to something serious like marriage. For all the sins i am doing, for all the bad deeds. I can't stop feeling so sorry for myself. My tears can't stop rolling every now and then. Today i feel like at the lowest point of depressing mode. Or if his mom questioned about my status, i will be gone for good. E*M blurt out that i am married, that will be the end of everything else. Said i should come over to his place on the 20th. His brother sold the house away because it is more than 5 years. Its because i have extra baggage tagging along such as the new house. He said it is not because he do not want to be with me. And if he is with me, its like all the same. He joked about his siblings having this common trait. ![]() His second brother is getting married soon. He mentioned about having this relationship phobia. Last night he told me about his family, his siblings in particular. For 2 hours straight! No guy ever waited for me patiently that way. He waited for me last night while i did my hair. But if u dun wish to talk with me anymore on anything, then i will not force u any further." It will not be in the long term interest for u, me n your parents if these drag on without a long term solution. ![]() ![]() "Its about time that we have an open discussion about all disputes, expectations n the future of this marriage. It is ME, the one who is ruining this marriage. One is out of his mind if they agree totally with what i am doing!! It is not as if the person i am married to is abusing me or something else. Everybody will say that this is the most stupid thing i ever done and that i should forget about it. But i know that nobody will agree of what i am doing right now. I am really in need of talking to someone. From the way i see it, L*L may already know what is going on but he just do not want to say it. But the reality is that we are surrounded by these people almost every other day that it is damn tough to be ignorance. It is easier to say that i should ignore all the negative thoughts and what others might say about me. But how do i tell him how i really feels about him? As much as i want to be with like he wants to be with me, i am at loss. If i am in his shoes, i would want to know whether this married person really likes me or am just using me. What does that mean? Just because i am not meeting him tonight after his class? After we have met for the past 3 days? I think i understand his feelings. Just earlier, he text me mentioning that Nov will be a month to test my sincerity. He not having his car happens for a reason. He said it is the time now that i make a decision. And we sort of had a little quarrel yesterday because of this. He wants to have lunch just with me alone, although he knows that i usually goes out with the other two. These few days, infact since 2 weeks ago, he has been sensitive about certain issues. If nobody was home, i would have gone out to meet him the moment he called me. And when his parents came to fetch him home, he felt like telling them about me. I was speechless when he told me the first person he wanted to call right after the accident was me. He claimed that this is more than infactuation, especially after the accident. Or a slight taste of 'punishment' for us? Is HE trying to tell us something. What happened on 17 October may be a sign. ![]()
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